About halfway through Westpac, AJ, one of the guys in my Division received a care package containing, among other things, a stuffed duck – the cute and cuddly stuffed animal kind, not the taxidermy kind.  As the Sonar Gang was known for having a twisted sense of humor, AJ decided to hide the duck from the rest of us in order to protect it from horrible pranks.  Needless to say, it was only a matter of time until the little critter was duck-napped.

I won’t say that I was in on the snatch, but I was definitely a co-conspirator.  Once we had the duck, we decided to hold it for ransom.  AJ had a stash of candy bars in his locker, and we hoped to ransom the duck for some chocolate.  The problem was, the word of the duck-napping spread quickly, and AJ got anonymous notes from several sources, all claiming to have his duck.  We knew that we’d need proof in order to cash in, so we figured we’d take a photo of the duck and attach it to a ransom note made from letters cut out of magazines - just like in the movies.  Unfortunately, digital cameras hadn’t been invented yet, and we couldn’t find anyone aboard with a Polaroid.

After several hours of fruitless searching, it hit me.  If we couldn’t photograph the duck, we could Xerox it.  I was elected to do the dirty deed.  I got a buddy to let me into the Admin Office after hours, and I stuffed the duck under the lid of the copier and began trying to get a good copy of it.  The bulk of the stuffed duck made it impossible to get the lid lowered properly, so too much light kept getting in and washing out the image.  We flipped off the light switch and were happily Xeroxing the duck in the dark, when the door opened and the lights came on.  It was the Executive Officer, dropping by to pick up some paperwork.

He looked at me.  Then he looked at the duck squashed into the copier.  Then he looked at the stack of duck images shooting out of the machine.  He stood there for about ten seconds, then he gave a heavy sigh and turned the light switch back off.

Standing there in the dark, my face illuminated only by the shuttling green glow of the copier light, I didn’t know whether to laugh it off or try to explain.  I expected the XO to leave, but he just stood there, silhouetted in the doorway by the passageway lights behind him.

Finally, he shook his head and spoke softly. "I’ve got a leak in One-Alpha Oil Purifier.  I’ve got two idiots who missed ship’s movement.  I’ve got a stack of overdue reports on my desk, and a Second Class Electrician’s Mate who likes to dress in women’s clothing every time we pull into a foreign port.  Now, I’ve got perverts Xeroxing farm animals in the dark.  Why did I take this job?"  He closed the door and walked away.